So earlier in my introduction post, I stated that there wasn’t really a definition of family. Yes, a jokester would Google the word “family” and say, “Well lookie what I’ve found here! A definition for family!” In fact, Google defines the word family like this.
Family noun: 1. A group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. 2. All the descendants of a common ancestor.
Ok, sure there is technically a definition, but does this really define a family? Or the better question is, does it define a family today?
In my introduction post, I said that families are complicated. So does this definition really describe family? In fact, I think that it is the worst definition of family there is. I mean there are all different types of families. What about families that have a single parent? What about the families that have been separated and can’t live together? What about the family that couldn’t have kids? If we want to get really technical, can’t friends be a part of your family? So is this definition really the best way to describe a family? Absolutely not. Maybe for the 1900’s but even then we had multiple types of families. As stated before, families are complicated.
This roughly introduces the topic of my post today, the importance of thoughtful decisions about how many children one allows to come into one's family. So why start off with the definition of family? By noting that we can’t really define family, we see that we can’t have a’ cookie cutter’ family in any sense because no family is the same. Which is great!
Before going further, I just want to make it clear that when talking about this topic, I am not trying to shame or hurt those families that couldn’t bear the children they wanted. In fact, I give my deepest sympathies because I can’t even imagine going through that trial. So, please, know that I am not saying that if you weren’t able to have children that you’re a horrible person because you are a WONDERFUL person who is going through a difficult trial and I admire you for that. In fact, read this article because it explains what I want to express, but in a much better way.
Alright, back to the topic of this post. The importance of thoughtful decisions about how many children one allows to come into one's family, or in other words deciding how many kids you want to have. The biggest part of this topic I believe is discussing kids before marriage. The other day I was at a soccer game with two of my roommates/friends and we were talking about (ok they were talking about) the awkward conversations they’ve had when talking to boyfriends about how many kids they want in the future. One of my friends said that in one conversation, they said that she wanted three kids so she wouldn’t scare the guy off. But in reality, she really wants eight kids. So it can be a funny and awkward conversation, but I believe that it’s an important conversation to have. When I asked my roommates about why they want a big family, both essentially said that they want their kids to always have each other to rely on, and the joy that comes from having a big family.
My roommates know that they want a big family, so when dating someone, eventually, they are going to have a conversation about kids because it’s important to for them to know if they have the same goals or dreams that their boyfriends have about the subject of kids. To put it this way, if you want a lot of kids (or don’t want a lot of kids), but the person you’re dating doesn’t (or does) want a lot of kids, will you be willing to give up your definition of a family?
But this raises another question. Just how many kids should be in a family? In 1968 the book, “The Population Bomb,” written by Paul R. Ehrlich, it caused quite the conundrum about the population. Before the book, people thought that the baby boom was a good thing and that population growth would continue to happen. But when the book came out, it made people think that not only would the population continue to grow, but mass starvations, and other horrendous things, would be the result of it. These views were widespread as it changed the world's perceptions of families. People now thought about their own ethical responsibilities in having a certain number of children. While Ehrlich’s prediction about the population increase was correct, his reasoning was further from the truth.
The world population in 1960 was about 3.04 billion people. Today it is about 7.7 billion people. But higher fertility rates are not the cause for this. In fact, the fertility rate in the United States alone was 3.7 in 1960 but today that rate is 1.8.
So if fertility rates have gone down, why has the population gone up? The reason has to do with death rates. With the development of better medicine and healthcare, death rates have gone down at an incredible rate, which leads to a higher population.
With low fertility and death rates and a high population to show for it, everything seems fine, right? Well, not so much. One big problem we face if these trends were to continue is that our population will begin to decrease dramatically. Why? When the baby boomers begin to pass away, there will not be a lot of people to replace them. Which may seem fine right now because essentially there would be more jobs and housing, right? But let’s suppose that each family had only one child, then that child gets married and only has one child and so on. Not does the population go down, but marriage rates would fall and it would affect the families from having any relatives such and aunts and uncles or cousins really. Sure, family history would be much simpler, but is that what we really want to happen?
There are people who would argue that the more people there are, the fewer resources there will be. But we actually have more resources today then we did in the 1960’s. Not only that but the more people we have, the more human capital we also have. Human Capital is the knowledge, skills, and information people have and can contribute. Because of lower fertility rates, it means that there are fewer people to innovate our world and help expand it from where it is now. It’s essentially a domino effect where the more domino's you have, the further you can go. But if you only have a few, you don’t get very far and it doesn’t look anywhere near as cool.
But, back to the question from before. Just how many kids should be in a family? I believe that the answer is simple. As many as you want/hope to have! From the research and statistics given, I know it seems that I should be saying “you should have at least 3 kids to save the world!” or something to that effect. The truth is that the statistical side of me is saying that. Not to scare you, but to show how serious this will become. But the bigger, more logical, caring side knows that if someone doesn’t want to have kids then they shouldn't be forced to have kids. That doesn’t lead to a happy family. I also know that not everyone can have the number of kids they want, that some struggle with trying to have one.
The point of showing the facts on all of this is to show those of you who might be struggling on the question of how many kids you should have, that if you want a big family, go for it! If you want a smaller family, do it! The choice should be between you, your spouse, and Heavenly Father.
In addition to this, we must stop shaming the numbers of someone else's family! You know the comments I’m talking about, “Wow, are you running a preschool or something?” or “When are you going to get started on that family?” Every situation is different and we need to start respecting that. Only when we do that, we will strengthen not only each other but build up the family and society as a whole.
My definition of family: However someone chooses to make it work.
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